(c) Jake was angry at Diane's accusations
Every word that came out of her mouth ravage his feelings. He could feel hot steam raging from his body and he had mixed feelings of wanting to act. He clenched his fist tightly and used the pain to let her voice slip away from his mind. She was persistant but he endured it with every second it took her to stop. It was extremely torturing to him listening her evil tone as she spoked as it was not true.
(d) The old lady sat alone in her room
There she was, helpless with only her thoughts of regret. She cried her heart out but no one could hear her. Tears rolled down uncontrollably and she was left with frightening images. Is this what she deserve was her only question for the long journey she experienced. She moved her eyes to a photo which brought a smile to her face and suddenly beautiful memories flooded her mind. However, it was too late to turn her horrible fate to a better one like before as it was her time to leave them soon.
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I liked the second one more. It was very sad and I think the use of her actions like crying and questioning made it all seem that much more real to the reader.
ReplyDeleteThe first one is quite good too. I like how you convey he is restraining himself.
I really liked how the way you showed and not only told the readers what is happening. When I was done reading both, I could visualise the exact scene in my head. I felt as if I was there watching the whole scene. I really liked the second one. It was very sad and tragic. As I was reading it, I could imagine myself there watching the whole scene unfolding before my very eyes. You had done a great job describing the emotions of the old lady who is feeling very lonely. The first one is also quite good.
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